"Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional."
(Max Lucado)
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People deal with the stress and strain of relationships in
different ways. Some choose to flee. This coping technique is very
popular in our divorce and high tension society. We should realize
that "Marriage means expectations and expectations mean conflict."
(Paxton Blair) Overwork, overeating, drinking, affairs and drugs
become escape vehicles for those seeking to escape. Those who opt to
run are often disheartened when similar conditions surface in a new
job, business, a relationship, or marriage. Others fight. Many are
unwilling to accept other's differences. They cannot disagree
without becoming insensitive and ruthless. Conflict breaks out and
families are ripped apart, friendships are ruined and partnerships
are dissolved. Conflict is a costly means of dealing with
difficulty. There are casualties on both sides. Innocent people
suffer and some die. The impact of conflict, the aftermath of
engagement often takes a toll on the combatants and it weakens their
ability to love or trust others.
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It's difficult for people to choose forgiveness as
a means of managing conflict in relationships. "You cannot
choose a person's response to you, but you can always choose your
response to them. It is not what others do or even our own mistakes
that hurt us the most; it is our response to those things.
Our response to any mistake affects the quality of the next
moment."(Steven Covey) The only antidote for anger and
bitterness is forgiveness. The golden rule Jesus taught is our
answer, "Whatever you want people to do to you, do also to them."
Samuel Johnson said, "The fountain of content must spring up in the
mind, and the person who has so little knowledge of human nature as
to seek happiness by changing anything but their own disposition,
will waste their life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief
they proposes to remove."
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Some emotional debts that people owe are
legitimate. The father who abused you, the mother who abandoned you,
the business partner who deceived you, the friend who used you, the
spouse who betrayed you, they deserve to pay. Of course, since "all
have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," we also deserve to
pay for what we have done, because all have broken the laws of God.
When we look at the faults of others through the lenses of our own
flaws, we will be compelled towards compassion. Contempt is bred
when we major on the imperfections of others. Jesus said in Matthew
7:2 and Mark 11:25, "For in the same way you judge others, you will
be judged and when you stand praying, if you hold anything against
anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you.
As we give the gift of forgiveness, it offers the other person a
safe place to fail. This powerful gift of forgiveness has one main
purpose: to protect us from the harm that comes from wrongs done
against us.
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